You may remember Part I of our COVID Chronicles, where I encountered a woman walking through my backyard wearing a face mask and holding a saw. I truly thought Lady with a Saw had escaped from the mental ward at a nearby hospital and that she would have been picked up by now, but apparently I was mistaken.
Last night, we were out for our after-dinner walk. We were just passing an area near a stream, when we heard a rustling in the woods. My first thought – obviously – was that we were about to die because a coyote or grizzly bear was on its way over. My husband, however, seemed to think that it would be wiser to just wait for it and accept imminent death – so naturally, that’s what we did.
After a few moments, something emerged from the ravine. It was about six feet tall, with long, grey hair, a pointy nose and two beady eyes. It began lumbering towards us. “This is the end,” I thought to myself.
Oh, wait. It wasn’t an animal. It was a person.
Is that… “holy hell, it’s Lady with a Saw!” we both whispered to each other at the same time, now convinced that running was definitely the right move two minutes earlier.
We slinked behind a tree, which would have been very undercover of us if we didn’t have an almost-four-year-old with us who thought that screaming “Who’s THAT?” at the top of her lungs – in perfect English, no less – was a good idea instead.
Thankfully, Lady with a Saw didn’t see us because she was too busy doing… something… in the ravine. After a few minutes, we deduced one of two possibilities, based on the photo below: either she was burying human remains where she didn’t think anyone would find them, or she was creating ritual piles for her next human sacrifice.
But as of the time of this post, we’re all still alive, so I guess we thankfully haven’t made the cut (literally) – at least not yet. I just hope she never finds this blog post because clearly Lady with a Saw is not the mental ward escapee I thought she was, but is instead probably my next-door neighbor…. gulp.