A few days ago, my daughter had a playdate. As I’m sure many of you can understand, it’s stressful enough to make sure that your house is relatively clean, your child doesn’t become territorial about his/her things and that you don’t say or do anything embarrassing as parents either. Well, time was running out prior to their arrival and our …
The other day, my daughter started her first-ever “official” summer camp. Like most parents, we had asked our friends for suggestions, pored over promotional pamphlets, and scoured the Internet for shreds of information that we hoped would align with her interests. Unfortunately, her interests in any sort of summer camp or after-school activity are seemingly… limited. We started with dance classes. …
Yesterday, I was almost mauled to death by a turkey. I was driving along, minding my own business, en route to pick up fertilizer that my husband had requested for our backyard. He had given me pretty clear instructions: arrive at the address, drive through a gate, and park around back. As I pulled up to said gate, I noticed a large …
About a month ago, my daughter celebrated her birthday. As you can expect, there were gifts, and those gifts each required their very own thank-you card. We eventually got to the point where she actually asked if she could stop OPENING these gifts just so she could be absolved from writing these cards, which hopefully gives you a good indication …
This weekend, I had what you could call a “senior moment.” For once, it had nothing to do with not remembering anything. Instead, it involved being given quite possibly the most interesting backhanded compliment I’ve ever received. Here’s how it went down. We were outside a friend’s house on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Within our circle of conversation was a very …
We moved into our new house about four months ago, and, as with every new thing, we always understood there would be a fair share of kinks we’d encounter in the process. From the very beginning, we knew that our house seemed to have more than its fair share of ladybugs, a phenomenon that completely baffled me because I spent …
Last night, my husband almost ended up in the emergency room. Shockingly, however, it wasn’t me who nearly put him there. Instead, it was our daughter – and her toy bow. It was bedtime, which is almost always when the bad things start to happen. My daughter was fighting us on going to sleep, just like every other night. In …
I have been called many words in my life, but “relaxed” was never one of them. To me, anything that even remotely resembles “calm” is cause for alarm, which is probably not ideal when it comes to the whole “parenthood” thing. I’ve been going out of my way to try to “chill” when asking my daughter about her school day, …
Today, I did what I thought only happened to people in movies – usually right before the protagonist ends up being checked into a mental ward. I almost accidentally stole a car. Now, those of you who follow this blog are well-aware that I am not a stranger to public humiliation. And there may even be those of you reading this …
Hello, my friends, and it’s good to see you again. My last COVID Chronicles post was about three months ago, when B was getting ready to start school and we were 6 months into COVID-19. At the time, she was super pumped about her school’s toilet bowl, completely disinterested in the new house that we recently bought, and spent her …
My husband and I moved up to Massachusetts from New Jersey ten years ago. Since we had no idea if we’d end up staying here, we opted to rent – and somehow, ten years passed. When our daughter was born, we came to the realization that maybe it was time to “grow up” and live the American dream by actually …
In a week, my daughter starts school for the first time (can you hear me bawling through your screen?). I’m sure there’s a small part of her that’s somewhat excited, but at this point, I think it’s safe to say that it’s dwarfed by sheer terror, which I completely, absolutely, unequivocally, totally 100% understand because, hey, that’s me every. waking. …
Even as a child, I always had an uncanny ability (if you want to call it that) to always see the irony of any given situation. And while my memory has definitely taken a serious hit after having B, there are some things that will stick with me for a long, long time. Like our first Mommy/Daughter trip to TJMaxx, …
Every so often, I attempt to pretend that I am a fun mom. It’s a nice feeling, walking among other ACTUALLY fun moms and acting the part. But last week, I witnessed the most incredible thing, which made me realize that maybe I should stick with being boring. B and I decided to go to a sprinkler park. For those …
We live in an apartment. This apartment is small. This apartment is VERY small. So as a result, our food pantry is in our basement – which means that unless there’s something I need for dinner that night, I don’t really have much of a reason to go down there. This ALSO means that if there were to, hypothetically of …
You know all those horror stories you hear about children falling out their upstairs bedroom window? Yeah, well, we fortunately didn’t have that happen to us, but by some freak accident that seems to only happen in our household, we DID somehow manage to puncture our screen and launch it about 500 feet away from our house instead. It was …
My husband has always been a clean-shaven guy who would get a haircut every three months like clockwork – but ever since COVID-19 started, it’s almost as if he’s been in a competition to see how uncivilized he can make himself look. It started around mid-March, when the fact that he began working from home allowed him to only shave …
I have a problem with bugs. As far as I can tell, they serve absolutely no purpose and I’d like to live my entire life without ever coming in contact with one. And in terms of hierarchy, the mosquito ranks at the very TOP of this list of my most hated living things. I’ve tried very hard to mask my …
Do you have any idea what the term FPIES means? I sure didn’t, until my daughter was diagnosed with it. And despite weeks of nonstop research, I’ve still not found any situation that’s similar to ours, so I’m writing – for the first time ever – a “Day in the Life” blog post that ISN’T humorous, in the hopes that …
We went to the local farm the other day. No, not the one where I almost died, but a different one that’s a lot emptier but still has some animals to keep B entertained. And everything was going just fine until we got… our first splinter. I knew it was coming, because B wouldn’t stop running her hands back and …
